News updates

Ola folks!

It has been awhile heh? Right now I am at my 4th last stations before I'll finish my clinicals. Do you read that!! Another 4 stations, and I will graduate! Graduate dude, graduaaaattteeeee!

How time flies they kept on saying, oh how true is that!

I remember how I wish to finish med school fast and come back to Malaysia as soon as possible. But as the days past, you've grown fond to the people around you, to the lifestyle and culture you're slowly accustomed to, to the comfort zone you build unnoticed within that 5 years.

So naturally the thought of going back to your so called "birth home" suddenly scares the hell out of you. I know for a fact, that everytime I come back to Malaysia during my holidays, I'll eventually start to miss Yogyakarta, An irony it is, since when I'm in Yogya, I kept longing for Malaysia. I shall call my behaviour "rindu undecided". Heh!

But one thing sure, part of this insecurities contributes from how unsure I am about my competency as a doctor back home. The thought of senior doctors being mean, impatient and generalize you as incompetent just because you're an Indonesian graduates, seriously taunt me. But hey! Keep myself positive I shall! As Hema often says, you can't be good in something overnight. You need your failures and mistakes first.

Anyway, enough with the insecurities, and move on with the news updates!

First and foremost, there is a new addition in my family!

Hanan binti Mohd Najib

Semua cucu Mak Tok: Zulaikha, Husna dan Hanan

Meet my 3rd niece, Hanan binti Mohd. Najib! Or according to Mohd. Akhir Clan registration number, the lucky number 90. In fact, my 2 other cousins, gave birth to their children around the same month with my sister. So we, keluarga Tok Wan Mat Akhir are really proud to have an addition 3 beautiful babies into our big family *big big grin*

Then, news from my abang poyot. It seems that year 2012 brings a lot of "spotlight" to him. He was in Malaysia Hari Ini and News Strait Times promoting Anugerah Pekomik 2012, and of course promoting the Malaysia comic scenes to the Malaysians.

As some may know, I am a big supporter of my abang poyot (even though I'm not a fan of his drawings. Hihi. Sorry bang! Aisyah lagi suka Adijin nye drawings). But knowing that he is working hard, struggling to something that most Malaysians doesn't acknowledge much (comic what?) but still, with that satisfactory smile? Hey, how many of us can happily say they are chasing their dreams huh? So yeah, for me that's courageous.

Abang poyot

As for me, Coas life has been good. There are some ups and downs, tears shed, anger unleashed, jealousy evokes, but I take that as some emotions exercise. Heh! My groupmates on the other hand, has been fun to work with throughout this bittersweet journey (Ok, maybe just for now. Haha).

Anesthesiology Department

Jalan-jalan cari makan

Other than that, I am happily enjoying my cooking side.

So till then,
Cheers! :)

Emo lagi aisyah?

Salam,

Dah lama tak berblog. Nak start balik pun macam susah. Words tak keluar gituh. Tu la pasal previous blog simple-simple seperti previous post mengenai attempt nak paint balik. Seriously aisyah? Macam derrrrrrrr.

Tapi sekarang tengah ada mood nak blog pasal kenapa Tuhan tak memberikan sesuatu yang kau paling nak sangat?

Tunggu dulu. Ini bukan blog berfikiran serious. Atau tak bersykur dengan apa yang dah ada. Cuma luahan hati. ewah. Luahan hati lagi. Skit-skit emo la kan.

Apa yang saya maksudkan adalah, bagi saya, benda yang saya terkilan adalah, kenapa lah diri ini memori tak bagus. Pastu blur lagi. Ok, maybe tak seharusnya menyalahkan Tuhan. Sebab tuhan kan dah menciptakan sebaik-baik manusia. Memang betul pun. Itu, saya sangat sangat percaya.

Cuma kadang-kadang rasa sedih pada diri sendiri. Blur dan lembab terkadang tak terhingat. Kadang-kadang fikir, sebab berfikir dan berangan sangat kot. Macam ada mamat nih pernah cakap la kan "Aisyah, ko tu sebenarnya malas nak berfikir". Nak rendam kepala dalam baldi air es pleaseeee. Tapi sebab hal nih, mulalah benda-benda kecil jadi seperti benda-benda besar.

Contoh satu: kes hafal nama cikgu

Ni tak tawlah. Dari dulu, memang susah nak ingat nama dokter mengajar. Ada teman boleh jea ingat lecture apa diorang ajar dan semua. Impress giler. Giler impress. Sebab tahu tak, gara-gara taknak jadi macam seperti itu, siap hafal lagi taw. Tulis kat buku. Tapi benda yang sepatutnya datang second hand nature jadi sesuatu yang need effort. Tiba-tiba jadi unnecessary stress. sungguh tidak diperlukan

Contoh dua: recalling

Maybe ada masalah pendengaran, tapi bila orang kasi instruction, pasti jadi pekak. Mula lah berkerut samil "Ha? Ha?". Pastu bila dah dengar jelas, ada masalah recall pulak. Yang sedih bila orang lain dah cop diri ni orang tak boleh pakai kalau dia dengar sesuatu. Sedih ohhh sedih. Habis self esteem nih. Kadang-kadang tuh bukan tak taw isinya, tapi tak boleh put into words, and that goes into contoh ketiga

Contoh ketiga: Put into words

Selalu bila dah taw inti, masalah kedua adalah put into words. Homgd. Ni lagi satu masalah. Lyrics nyanyi salah. Cerita jadi mix up. Event dah kacau. Atau jadi orang b**** cuba nak ingat balik satu words yang selalu disebut, tapi tak boleh nak cakap. helo! Erghhhh! Sebab itulah takut nak mengajar. Walalupun dalam hati nak jer mengajar (mengajar kan cool) Tapi gara-gara tak confident dengan apa yang dibaca (sebab keraguan memorila kan) bila nak cerita balik, mencari-cari words untuk explian. Galau!. Stress! Lagi-lagi bila selalu ingat proverb "if you can't teach means you don't really understand?" wah, nak nangis.

Tapi terkadang nak hiburkan hati sendiri, selalu pikir, maybe kalau aku good memory dan pandai maybe akan sombong. Maybe akan rasa diri superior dari orang lain, atau rasa diri jea benar. Ada je banyak orang macam tuh kan? Rasa nak sepak je, rasa nak belajar lebih pandai jer supaya dia tak pikir dia selalu betul, taknak dia pandang rendah pada orang orang lain. Taknak dia fikri dia jer betul, orang lain tak. Helooooo ko fikir ko bagus sangat ker?!!

Ok emo emo. Chill chill.

So nak taknak, kena sentiasa yakin diri, dan tidak berputus asa nak improvekan diri. Maybe ni challenge untuk diri sendiri. Maybe nih kelemahan sendiri. or maybe sebab memang pemalas nak ingat? Maybe maybe.

Tapi tapi, I wish wish I have good memory Atleast I wont dissapoint my patients. :'(

Paint

I tried to paint today.

Haven't waterpaint for so long. Compare to my lil sis, I'm suck in it. I'm always awful with coloring. Give me a pencil and ask me to draw, I won't hesitate. But give me crayons or any coloring medium, I'll cringe.

But since today i want to explore my 'creative' sites
(ewah) , inilah hasilnya



I need practice. Pffftt

Cheers!
;)

Testing2

Just download an app to blog from iPod

- testing2 :)

Whoyeaaaah! It's aliveeee!



... And you can post pictures!

I am not as gaptek as I thought. Wargh :D

Gambar yang menghiburkan hati hari ini,

Abang poyot dan Abang Faisal dengan gaya bujang lapok depa. Melaka 27.11.2011

Saya rindu orang keluarga. period.

Let it go hati.

Good enough to be a doctor back home?

A friend of mine post a blog written by a Malaysia doctor. It was regarding, as usual, about the incompetent Malaysian houseman nowadays. What disturb me the most, was the generalisation of Russian and Indonesian medical graduates being the most incompetent houseman.

Currently, I'm in my internal medicine posting. The knowledge is just overwhelming, and repeatedly I blame myself for not understanding the most simplest thing-especially regarding materials once been study back in theory days. The concept of 'antara tahu dan faham' automatically click into my mind. Shit. I should 'faham' and not just 'tahu' by merely doing notes. -_-"

Even now in my internship days, I'm worried whether am I using the correct method in getting the most out of Koas to get the knowledge. Often times, you have to be proactive. By proactive I mean, you have to rajin asking questions to the specialist and staff, rajin to cari kerja, rajin to anamnesis and do examination on patients, rajin to belajar. One thing that is well known in the koas system is, everything is up to you. No one will specifically scold you if you're lazy. None. You, yourself have to find the competencies that you needed to be a doctor.

That being said, I know insyaAllah that rajin, I can do. But one troublesome thing is whether I'm being smart in this. I have to admit I am easily space out, blur is the correct word . Often, I get confused on what book/topic to read. I have trouble understanding what the doctors says and retaining the knowledge I read the night before. Memory always seems to be against me. Most of the time, I'm not confident with my own decision and thinking, which lead to more confusion.The worst part is, I think about it when I'm resting, or going to sleep. How to properly rest lah?!

Yes. I'm laying out all my weakness.

And I'm also saying, I have not find my own rhythm in koas. No waltz, no tango and no obviously no salsa in Ko-as yet.

Of course giving up is not an option. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, 

"If you can't fly then run, 

if you can't run then walk,

 if you can't walk then crawl,

 but by all means keep on moving” 

I know I should take it slowly. Istiqamah. It is a process after all. Rome does not build overnight right? Even Rasulluah takes 2 years to spread Islam.
But after reading the blog, I doubt my current capabilities. I feel I should step up my pace. Still, how could I step up, when I'm still baby walking?

Sorry, no cheers today :(