Saturday, June 25, 2011

Salam?

Salam,

Ish. Rasa dah lama tak start blog dengan 'salam'. Kalau dulu masa first-first ada blog, setiap post pasti start dengan 'salam'. Masa first-first start blog la kan. Berkemungkinan nak berbunyi Islamiyah kot. Tapi realitinya, saya lebih sering ucap salam bila nak masuk rumah (out of habit), dari ucap salam kepada manusia benaran. Dah la rumah kosong yang tiada orang jawab plak tu.

Kalau tak pun, ucap 'salam' bila nak sms orang. Out of habit lagi. Tapi seriously, kalau berjumpa dengan teman sesama muslim, jarang plak nak ucap salam. Kalau ada pun lah nak ucap, pasti dengan nada-nada lucu macam "Assssalmuaaaaalaikummmmmmmm!!" dengan gaya pak cik-pak cik goyang kaki kat kedai kopi. Konfirm takde nak ucap betul-betul.

Macam tak masuk.

Kalau lah saya ucap salam setiap kali jumpa teman sesama muslim di tepi jalan sambil cium pipi kanan kiri, jujur saya kata..aneh. Ataupun ucap salam setelah selesai berborak atau berjumpa. Macam dalam hati ni rasa fake. Maybe dalam hati kekadang rasa orang-orang yang boleh buat macam tu adalah orang-orang alim saja. Kalau orang seperti saya nih, dengan seluar ketat-ketat, rambut terkeluar-keluar, solat hujung-ujung, baca Quran jarang-jarang..macam tak masuk. Lagi-lagi kalau buat macam tuh, tapi dalam hati resent giler kat orang tu..lagilah macam tak masuk.

Takut.

Berkemungkinan takut tak jujur dengan diri sendiri. Kerana takut ucap salam sebab nak nampak Islamiyah (which by the way, kenapa saya cakap word Islamiyah nihh??) Kerana takut buat kerana orang lain buat bukan kerana benar-benar nak buat. Nawaitu tak betul, sebab percayalah saya pernah buat seperti ni sebab nak impress seorang lelaki. Lame. Saya tahu. Dush aisyah!

Oleh itu, walaupun simple, sebenarnya saya takut nak buat habit ucap salam. Benar ke ikhlas untuk Allah? Atau sebagai nak tunjuk-tunjuk?

Tapi bagi orang yang benar-benar ucap salam, tabik la.

Sebab bagi saya, nak benar-benar ikhlas susah. Tapi kalau kamu seperti saya (which by the way, I am talking to myself too), jangan takutlah. Our efforts. Allah knows kan. Always.

So I end my post with
Assalamualaikum
May Peace be with you :)

Cheers!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

This is not me! It's the hormones!


If you can't fly, run
If you can't run, walk
If you can't walk, crawl
But by all means,
keep on moving

Martin Luther King

Salam,

Two months, two months man since I wrote my last blog!

Time flies, really. To think I've survived January and February still boggles me. Thesis, remedial exams, OSCE compre -those were the things that most occupies my mind. Our minds, Intermed 2007. Now looking back, I can only smile. I've made it!

Of course, there's other things that lingers. Like how I wish I study more to get above 3.5, or atleast fully control my emotions so it doesn't affects my studies. Or how I should be more proactive and spent more time on my favorites things -drawing, piano, swimming, yoga, cycling.

Or or or...

There's always more. But what is done is done kan?

Helo for another chapter of my life! Another step to become a doctor. Gosh. I've finally said it. I want to actually be a doctor. Don't ask me a reason. No, because I couldn't give a direct reason.

Coming here in Indonesia, and become a medical student was a coincidence. Well for me maybe I like to think that way. Err fate?

I do not want to become a doctor. I rebel. I did my part and try to change it. I went and ask for dentistry. I got it. But here I am, in my koas years. Koas. Co-assistent. Wait, do I really want to become a doctor? Am I strong enough? Emotionally? Physically? Soulfully? Typical me.

Sorry guys, I'm blabbering again. You know, its 'that time' again. Hormones!

Positivity, please don't leave me.

In the midst of winter,
I find myself an invincible summer
-To me and to you-


Till then,
Cheers! :)