Good enough to be a doctor back home?

A friend of mine post a blog written by a Malaysia doctor. It was regarding, as usual, about the incompetent Malaysian houseman nowadays. What disturb me the most, was the generalisation of Russian and Indonesian medical graduates being the most incompetent houseman.

Currently, I'm in my internal medicine posting. The knowledge is just overwhelming, and repeatedly I blame myself for not understanding the most simplest thing-especially regarding materials once been study back in theory days. The concept of 'antara tahu dan faham' automatically click into my mind. Shit. I should 'faham' and not just 'tahu' by merely doing notes. -_-"

Even now in my internship days, I'm worried whether am I using the correct method in getting the most out of Koas to get the knowledge. Often times, you have to be proactive. By proactive I mean, you have to rajin asking questions to the specialist and staff, rajin to cari kerja, rajin to anamnesis and do examination on patients, rajin to belajar. One thing that is well known in the koas system is, everything is up to you. No one will specifically scold you if you're lazy. None. You, yourself have to find the competencies that you needed to be a doctor.

That being said, I know insyaAllah that rajin, I can do. But one troublesome thing is whether I'm being smart in this. I have to admit I am easily space out, blur is the correct word . Often, I get confused on what book/topic to read. I have trouble understanding what the doctors says and retaining the knowledge I read the night before. Memory always seems to be against me. Most of the time, I'm not confident with my own decision and thinking, which lead to more confusion.The worst part is, I think about it when I'm resting, or going to sleep. How to properly rest lah?!

Yes. I'm laying out all my weakness.

And I'm also saying, I have not find my own rhythm in koas. No waltz, no tango and no obviously no salsa in Ko-as yet.

Of course giving up is not an option. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, 

"If you can't fly then run, 

if you can't run then walk,

 if you can't walk then crawl,

 but by all means keep on moving” 

I know I should take it slowly. Istiqamah. It is a process after all. Rome does not build overnight right? Even Rasulluah takes 2 years to spread Islam.
But after reading the blog, I doubt my current capabilities. I feel I should step up my pace. Still, how could I step up, when I'm still baby walking?

Sorry, no cheers today :(